A Bunkhouse Stampede of Pure, Unadulterated Garbage (And I Mean That Lovingly)

Bartender, pour me a cold domestic draft and leave the pitcher. We need to talk about the absolute state of MLW Fusion's July fourth broadcast, because I am convinced Court Bauer has officially lost his mind and replaced his booking committee with a magic eight-ball and a copy of WCW Saturday Night from 1992. First off, we start the night with a patriotic Fourth of July message that gets hijacked by Contra. They are doing their usual 'fire and brimstone' routine, waving flags and claiming they aren't 'propaganda for profit.' Fine, whatever, we get it, you guys hate democracy and love black shirts.

Waving flags and worshiping illusions. You put Contra shirts on weak men to feel dangerous. Contra was never propaganda for profit. It was built from fire. You will feel that fire.

But then we immediately slide into Rich Bocchini explaining that Bishop Dyer is locked out of the company due to a contract dispute, stripping him and Donovan Dijak of the tag titles. This is the wrestling equivalent of getting your car repossessed while you are idling at a red light. Instead of a normal tournament, we get a Bunkhouse Stampede for the brand new Southern Crown Championship. According to PWInsider's detailed show report, the tag team division is in complete shambles.

The participants in this 10-man stampede are a collection of guys that looks like the result of a random name generator: Beastman, Festus, Ikuro Kwon, Jesus Rodriguez, Josh Bishop, Matthew Justice, Paul Hauser, Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett, and Diego Hill. Now, if you are a student of wrestling history, you know the Festus gimmick. The guy is a brain-dead zombie until the bell rings, at which point he turns into a redneck terminator. The problem is, Doc Gallows is literally backstage cutting promos on this same show. We have split the space-time continuum here, folks. Festus is in the ring punching everyone, and in the next segment, Gallows is talking about fighting Contra. This is the kind of continuity error that makes you want to throw your remote through the screen.

The match itself was a complete cluster. Festus cleared the ring, so Jesus Rodriguez did the only logical thing: he rang the bell to freeze him. Diego Hill and Matthew Justice were in the ring when Everett hit a springboard cross body on both of them. Josh Bishop entered the fray, booting Everett and hitting a fallaway slam before tossing Hill. Beastman and Bishop started exchanging headbutts, which is like watching two rams fight over a patch of grass. Bishop hit a Razor's Edge on Diego Hill, throwing him onto the entire pile of wrestlers on the floor. He went for a suicide dive, but Matthew Justice cut him off with a steel chair to the skull and followed up with a spear on the concrete. That is not wrestling; that is a felony.

After the commercial break, Paul Hauser was laying into Hill with double sledges. Jesus Rodriguez suplexed Hill onto the apron, which looked incredibly painful. Beastman and Everett had a battle of the big men in the ring, which was mostly just heavy breathing and heavy chops. Then Gato showed up, hit Ikuro Kwon with brass knuckles, and rolled him into the ring. Hauser hit a spinebuster on Kwon and locked in the Cloverleaf, but Beastman broke it up with a heavy splash. Jesus Rodriguez then hit Beastman with his own bone—yes, a literal bone— and covered Festus. But Tom Lawlor rang the timekeeper's bell, activating Festus just in time to kick out. Festus cleaned house with uppercuts before Beastman and Jesus dragged him to the back to brawl.

With the monsters out of the way, the workrate guys took over. Trevor Lee and Diego Hill traded forearms until Lee hit Collision Course for a two-count. Kwon caught Lee with an uppercut, only for Hill to float over and hit a springboard cutter on Kwon. Hill then executed a twisting double jump moonsault, but Everett broke up the pin with a swanton from the top rope. Everett hit a rana on Hill and followed up with a shooting star press, but Hauser broke the cover. Everett dumped Hauser to the floor, but turned around right into Trevor Lee's Cave In. Lee got the pin, the win, and the new Southern Crown Championship. It was chaotic, it was messy, but Lee actually looked like a star holding that new belt.

Teddy Long is Back to Secure His Trademark Checks

Next up, we get a backstage segment where Rich Bocchini interviews the legendary Teddy Long. He is back at Center Stage in Atlanta, which is a great nostalgia trip for anyone who remembers when WCW was the biggest show in town. Teddy runs into Donovan Dijak and asks him what he's going to do tonight without a tag team partner. Dijak, who has the personality of a wet brick, tells Teddy to mind his own business. That's when Teddy drops the line of the night, warning Dijak that he better not use the name 'Skyscrapers' because Teddy owns the trademark and expects his royalty check. That is the most Teddy Long thing imaginable. The man is not here to manage; he is here to collect that intellectual property coin.

After a quick video package on Killer Kross, Teddy Long comes out to the ring to introduce MLW's next big thing: LaBron Kozone. The crowd at Center Stage gives Teddy a massive pop, proving the old man still has the magic touch. Kozone is matched up against Alan Angels, and this was a classic squash match disguised as a competitive bout. Angels tried a waist lock early, but Kozone just shrugged him off like an annoying fly. Kozone hit a boot to the head, a Smiley Slam, and a springboard elbow drop for a near-fall. Angels tried to fire back with chops, but Kozone just stood there, completely unimpressed, before leveling Angels with a single chop of his own.

Kozone hit a T-Bone suplex that looked like it compacted Angels' spine by three inches. Angels managed to get a brief flurry of offense, hitting a head scissors and a slingshot stomp to Kozone's knee on the floor. He went for a dive, but Kozone caught him in mid-air and powerbombed him directly onto the ring apron. If you have ever taken a bump on the apron, you know it has zero give. That move looked absolutely brutal. Back in the ring, Kozone hit a short-arm clothesline that nearly decapitated Angels to secure the three-count. Kozone has a great look and real power, and with Teddy Long in his corner, he might actually go somewhere.

The Skyscraper Swindle: Dijak, Bishop, and the Rollup from Hell

The main event featured Karl Anderson taking on Donovan Dijak in a singles match, which was a solid, physical encounter. Dijak missed a cyclone kick right at the bell, and Anderson immediately targeted the big man's knee. Anderson put Dijak's leg in the ropes and kicked it repeatedly, which is smart wrestling 101. Dijak tried to fight back from the apron, but Anderson knocked him to the floor with an elbow and followed up with a pescado. When Anderson tried to get back in, Dijak caught him and hit a chokeslam directly onto the apron. The ring apron was getting more action tonight than the actual canvas.

Dijak took control, hitting a backbreaker and a twisting splash for a near-fall. He locked in a reverse chin lock to slow the pace, but Anderson fought out with elbows. Dijak missed a corner charge, allowing Anderson to hit a neckbreaker off the turnbuckles. After the final commercial break, Anderson tried to lift the massive Dijak, but Dijak escaped and sent him into the turnbuckles. Dijak missed a splash, and Anderson capitalized with a boot and a swinging neckbreaker for another close count. Dijak hit a Death Valley Driver for a near-fall and then started arguing with the referee, which is always a rookie mistake.

Dijak hit a choke bomb for a two-count and then went to the top rope for a moonsault. For a guy his size, a moonsault is high-risk, and it backfired as he crashed and burned. Anderson hit a spinebuster for a near-fall, but Dijak answered with a cyclone kick and set up for Feast Your Eyes. Anderson managed to slip down the big man's back, hook the leg, and roll him up for the surprise three-count. It was a clean, clever finish that showed Anderson's veteran instincts. But the real story happened after the bell.

Josh Bishop attacked Anderson from behind, and he and Dijak delivered a double chokeslam to the veteran. Dijak took the microphone and cut a promo, claiming the office was shafting the Skyscrapers and lying about Bishop Dyer's contract dispute. As reported by Richard Trionfo, the dispute has locked Dyer out of the building.

this company has been shafting the Skyscrapers. A contract dispute with Bishop Dyer, my ass. You say he needs to replace Dyer and find a short term replacement. We have a third Skyscraper and he is a bishop . . . Josh Bishop.

Dijak then introduced Josh Bishop as the newest Skyscraper and the third member of the group. So, despite being stripped of the titles earlier in the night, Dijak and Bishop are now claiming they are the champions. This is a mess. It is a classic booking headache where you strip a team of the titles just to hand them back to the same guy with a different partner five minutes later. Why even bother with the lockout storyline if you are just going to keep the belts on the heel faction? It makes the babyfaces look like idiots and the front office look incompetent.

To top it all off, we get another ominous message from Contra at the end of the show, warning the locker room about 'paper champions.' MLW is trying to juggle three different major storylines at once here: the Contra invasion, the Skyscraper tag team drama, and the new Southern Crown title. It feels like they are throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks. Hopefully, they can start tying these threads together, because right now, Fusion is a wild, entertaining ride, but it's dangerously close to running off the rails.